The Problem with a White Cat...

...Is that she rarely looks white.  More of a yellowish cream.

In her old age, Daisy has become a bit lax with her personal hygiene.  Her teeth are orange, her breathe is vile, she rarely grooms herself so she usually has matted tufts of fur.  Worse of all, she seems to have stopped washing her, erm, lady parts which are often decorated with splatters of crap.  She really is a delight to behold.

                                                      (It's amazing what a spot of photoshopping can do...)

I had bought her some kitty shampoo for Christmas (she was delighted) and have been meaning to tackle the onerous task of making her sparkle for months.  To be honest, I was more concerned about my welfare than hers as I have a fond memory of my Dad being shredded to ribbons after she fell in a neighbour's murky pond many years ago.

So last night, I took the metaphorical bull by the horns and decided to bathe her.

First, I gave her a good old grooming.  She cannot make up her mind whether she enjoys this or not.  She will willingly sit on my lap, without being held whilst I pull the brush through her dishevelled fur; yet she moans and groans and hisses and spits to show me that she's not entirely happy.

                                                       (Little does she know what is about to happen to her...)

Next, I filled up a bowl of warm water, lay Daisy inside a vintage YSL towel (only the best for our Dais) and soaked her from head to paw with a flannel.  Then I grabbed the kitty shampoo and lathered her up.

She sat there as good as gold, bless her.  I don't know if this shows her levels of trust, or stupidity.

                                                               (It also shows how bloody skinny she is)

Then, wrapped in her vintage YSL, I took her upstairs, ran the shower, put her inside the cubicle and slammed the door.

I have honestly never felt so guilty in my entire life.  And trust me, I have done worse...

She howled, she cried and she clawed at the shower door for me to open.  I felt sick, but she needed to stay in long enough for the shampoo to get out of her fur and I sure as hell was not getting in there with her to find out if it was.

She emerged a few minutes later, dripping wet with her arthritic bones protruding from her pink skin.  I wrapped her in a fresh towel and took her downstairs to give her a blow dry.

The poor lass took a while to forgive me, but this morning she is looking better than ever.  The smell of wet cat has gone and in place, has left a much more pleasant aroma of aloe vera.  I've even spied her having a little groom of her freshly quaffed fur.

TA DAHHHHH.....

                                                                                             The 'after shot' (hardly any photoshopping required)

Dreams Becoming Reality?

Well, well, well!  I was hoping to spend the Easter holidays being super creative and updating you all with the newest additions to my 'virtual' home.  However, the Great British weather has not allowed me to get into the garden and making!

I did this...  honest!  (*ahem!*)

                                                            image via pinterest.com



I have, nevertheless been using my time for something much more exciting... drum roll please...
The virtual home is beginning to look more real! 

I don't want to give away or say too much at this point, as I'm sure you understand that sometimes these things fall through, even at the last minute.  But I'll say this... I am hoping to have purchased is a top floor (I think I'll call it the penthouse) flat, with 2 bedrooms, a large bathroom and open plan living room and kitchen.  It is in immaculate condition, being less than 5 years old. 

The flat is a blank canvas which is allowing my creative juices to run wild... watch this space peeps, I might actually have a home tour tab at this rate!   

                                                               

Mini Makeover

At some point I want to give the little table that I bought the other week a bit of a makeover.  However, I've never painted furniture before and didn't want to start with a piece that I actually quite like.  So, after another impulse buy from Ebay I found myself owning this rather bulky and ugly chest of drawers.

By the time I had lugged it down a flight of stairs and driven it home in my car, the back had started to fall off too.  Another excellent purchase Hazel, well done.

Seeing as the sun was shining today, I thought I'd better get on with it.  

Job 1: Removing the drawer handles.

Job 2:  (My least favourite)  Sanding the whole bloody thing...

Job 3:  (Thanks Daddio) fixing the back of the chest of drawers.

Job 4: Spraying on the primer.  

I chose to use a grey primer.  After one can I realised that I needed another coat, so off to Homebase for the 2nd time today I went.... 

I actually quite liked the grey primer, it looked a bit tatty but strangely quite nice...

Job 5: Painting on the colour!

I had bought a pot of moss green paint to go over the top.  Then in a moment of madness, I grabbed the chrome spray paint that I had bought with the small table in mind.

Job 6:  Screwing in the new draw handles.  (This proved more tricky than I imagined, again- thanks to my old man!)

Job 7:  Admire!

I will have to update you with some more photos when it is inside and being used for the purpose that it is intended for.  But, I have to say.. I'm quite pleased with my first attempt.  I'm now considering dragging my bed down into the garden for a lick of paint..........

The Midas Touch

As mentioned on my last post, I have a cousin who is rather talented.  I would be all bitchy and jealous but he's just too nice to be mean. He is one of those annoying people who is just brilliant at everything that he does.  Anything he touches, turns to gold.  Meet Duanne...

This is a list of a few of the things that he is supremely talented at:

Photography,
Graphic design,
Making jewellery,
Painting,
Cooking.  (I have also heard that he's quite nifty on the dancefloor...)

The family are all well aware of Duanne's capabilities, but now there is proof for the rest of you.  Just take half an hour to watch Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard  and you will see too.

I just can't wait to see him next so I can sample some of those macaroons!



In other news- CONGRATULATIONS to my gorgeous friends Jon and Emma Waring, on the birth of baby Ray David Lennox Waring today.  I am so pleased for you both and cannot wait to meet your lovely little man.  He is one lucky little guy xxx

A Late Night Purchase...

I used to have a strange hobby whilst at Uni.  I would come in, in the early hours of the morning feeling rather worse for wear and buy things on Ebay.

The Internet connection was slow and painfully tedious, so I would type into the search engine what I was looking for, select 'time ending soonest' and bid on whatever had the least time left at the lowest price.  The photo showing whatever I had purchased would not have time to load so I would not know what I had bought until it arrived in the post in a few days time.

I accumulated a whole host of trash through this ridiculous pastime.  A particular favourite being a lurid orange skirt, that wouldn't have looked out of place on 'Last of the Summer Wine'.

I found a use for it eventually...

Anyway, I had managed to wean myself off of my Ebay Roulette addiction.  That was, until last night.

Whilst celebrating a best friend's new job, I had remembered a small end table that I had been watching on Ebay.  Filled with beer and a sudden urge that the damn table WOULD BE MINE, I happily placed a few bids.

Then, this morning reality hit me.  I had bought yet another item of furniture for this virtual home of mine.  I was spending more money that could potentially be put into a bigger deposit.

At least it's pretty.  I am glad that I haven't come home with the orange skirt equivalent of an end table.

In other news...BIG, BIG HUGE THANK YOU to the wonderfully talented Duanne Watson who created me a banner for my blog.  He really is one of the most gifted people that I know and also one of the nicest.  Love ya loads xxx

An Impossible Task

When I decided that I would look for a flat rather than a house, I honestly thought that I would find one almost immediately.  I had dismissed hundreds of properties before, just because I didn't want a flat.  I wanted a garden, stairs, the lot.

I don't know whether it's me being fussy, but there are some truly horrendous properties out there.

I went to see a duplex apartment on Friday.  I had convinced myself that it was, 'The One'.  It was a flat, but it had stairs!  It didn't have a private garden but it had the use of outdoor facilities, including a communal BBQ.  It was open plan, looked modern and ideal for a young, single girl living on her own.

I arrived at the apartment, mum in tow, eager to have a look around my future abode.
Why is it, I ask, that estate agents feel the need to take photos at an angle that makes the rooms look much bigger?  It's a ridiculous idea.  Ludicrous in fact!  It's just setting you up for disappointment as the property will never live up to the expectations that you have from looking at inaccurate pictures.

The main bedroom fit in a double bed and not much else.  There was not enough room in that flat to swing a door-mouse let alone a cat; and if I do choose to bring Daisy with me, she will need to be swung.

So alas, the hunt continues.  I live in hope that my ideal home will come along soon....

Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Streeeeet...

This weekend I decided that I would get creative in the kitchen.  I love cooking, but usually prefer to make dinners- something that I can eat straight away that won't take too long.  Because I have to be so patient in my job, I am extremely impatient in all other aspects of my life.  Cooking included.  So baking doesn't usually appeal to me.

That was, until I saw a picture of some cupcakes decorated to look like The Cookie Monster.  I loved Sesame Street as a child and I love cupcakes.  It had to be done.

I thought that I would try my hand at the some of the other Sesame Street characters too.  I thought I was being innovative and creative, but of course I was not.  If you google the characters, it even comes up as an option underneath to see their happy faces in cupcake form.

I started with the lovely Elmo.  I added a little red food colouring.  I added a little more.  Elmo is a boy, he wouldn't want to be pink!  So I poured in half the bottle.  Red.  Lovely, lovely red.  Unfortunately lovely, lovely red does not equal a lovely, lovely taste.  Poor old Elmo, at least he looks pretty.

Next I made the delightful Cookie Monster.  I had to cut out a little hole for his mouth, where I shoved in a mini cookie once I had iced the cake.

The topping is a bit runny on these cakes (and also on Oscar the Grouch) as I got impatient with adding milk little at a time to the buttercream, so I just poured in a load and hoped for the best.  I have learnt my lesson.

I also could have been a bit neater with his blue glitter, but the hangover had kicked in at this point and I was regretting the hair of the dog I had, had earlier.  So, feeling a bit squiffy, I just shoved it on.

Next was Oscar the Grouch.  I used chocolate sprinkles to make his bushy eyebrows and a red jelly bean for his cheeky tongue.  Again with the messiness.  Poor old Oscar had eyebrow hair sprouting out of different areas across his putrid green face.  So I got a sharp knife and poked them in.  No-one would have ever had known if I had not told you.

Last but not least was Big Bird.  I was unsure whether to make these, as even the professional images that I had found looked a bit crap.  But I love Big Bird and I also quite like the colour yellow, so I thought I would give him a go anyway.  I'm quite pleased with him actually!

What do you think?  Who is your favourite?

I am making a trip round to my brother and sister-in-laws later with an Oscar and Big Bird and then going on to my friend Laura's with a Big Bird.  People have been warned against E-Number Elmo, for safety reasons.  So I am going to feed them to my dad and sit back and watch what happens.  Mu ha haaa!

Pimp My Lamp

I have been searching for a lamp for a while now.

I wanted something a bit different, but I didn't really fancy paying the hefty price that is attached to most decent sized table lamps.

I came across this beauty when looking at http://www.mademoisellepoirot.com/

A simple white lamp that has been transformed by adding some vintage brooches.  Lovely jubbly.

I thought I would give it a go myself...

I took one simple white table lamp:

                                                                                   
...Added a few vintage brooches:

...I proudly showed my mum, who donated a few old brooches to the cause:

TA DAH!  What do you think?!

I still need to do the back of the lamp, so I am waiting eagerly for bootfair season to start.  In the meantime, I will be searching on ebay and in the many charity shops in my local High Street.  

Watch this space for more additions to the pimped up lamp...!

Dear oh Deer

One of the many perks of teaching is the presents that you get at various occasions throughout the school year.  


This Christmas, amongst the piles of chocolate, bottles of wine and smellies, I received a small white ceramic reindeer statue with silver antlers.  I think he's just gorgeous.  

                                                                                                Meet Nigel


He is the one Christmas decoration that I think might just cut the mustard all year round.  It sounds silly, but he makes me smile. 


Going along with this theme, I made and framed a print of a stag head silhouette on a background of pink chevrons.  I thought it might go quite nicely alongside Nigel.  

                                                                                            Meet Richard


What do you think?  Have I gone over the top on the deer/ stag front?  Have I taken tacky to a new extreme?  Or do you think that my creation will make an interesting addition to my imaginary home?  


I'd love to hear your thoughts....

Fancy a Cuppa?

Everyone's guilty of buying something extravagant right?

I came across two of these amazing mugs in the Urban Outfitters sale and couldn't resist. It was love at first sight, but two would not suffice.

I hunted them down on a website of a company called Make International and to my delight saw that there were four more varieties of biscuit to complete my collection. I had to have them, regardless of the cost.

I was so pleased with my fancy new mugs. So content and excited at the prospect of drinking tea in such style. So eager to show them off to my friends.

That was until I received an email from said company, politely informing me that Mr Martin Wiscombe has designed 10 more.

Do I need sixteen mugs? Can I justify spending £85 when I have six mugs that I was previously so pleased with?

I don't know the answer. I cannot decide. All I know is that I really need a mug with a doughnut on....

Done Bird

I have an obsession with anything with a bird print.

Ironically it started when I lived in Brighton- where I formed my hatred of the actual creature.

I hate the creatures. I love them in print.

I love a seagull print, a hummingbird print, a peacock print, a swallow print. Hell I would probably even like a pigeon print.

So imagine my sheer delight when I found these beauties. I typed in 'bird print cushion' into ebay and found these for a mere £4.50 each. Absolute bargain!

I've managed to buy a number of wonders for my 'virtual house' (flat) now, I just need to find somewhere to home them all.

Until then, my dad has the swankiest attic in town.

Abandonment Issues...

Anyone who knows me, knows Daisy.

She's a real lady. She demands the highest quality of food. She wears diamonds (ahem..) She lays around doing very little apart from basking in the glory of her own wonderfulness.

She's my 16 year old, and rather haggard looking cat.

She has been the topic of many conversations over the years, including a lengthy discussion in a tent, at about 5am, in Croatia, at a music festival. Where I answered questions such as, "What is Daisy's star sign?" (She's a Leo- in case you wondered!)

Daisy was more delighted than anyone when I made the decision to move back home and now that I am hopefully on the cusp of moving out again, I face a dilemma. Do I take her with me?

I will present to you a list of reasons for and against bringing her with me:

For:

- She is my baby

- She is likely to go into a pit of hopeless depression if I abandon her again

- I will miss her

- I will feel really guilty if she dies of heartbreak

Against:

- She is expensive. She requires posh food and expensive tablets for her thyroid condition. (At the moment, the rents pay for this... )

- She enjoys going in the garden (but only on the few hot days of the year)

- She moults EVERYWHERE

- I am highly allergic to her

- She has taken to crapping on the floor

- She often pukes on the floor

Decisions, decisions....

Flat out

Welcome to the House of Hoff! Or not as the case may be.....

This will be an online diary of my search for the ideal living space and with any luck, will move on to also be a log of home improvements, decoration, bargain buys as well as a bit of my weird life thrown in for good measure.

I have been lusting after various houses, with the idea that I would have a gorgeously quirky little place of my own with a cute back garden. I have visited many houses- some of which fit the bill perfectly and others that quite frankly make the average student accommodation look appealing.

I have, however come to realise that with every will in the world, I cannot afford a house on my own. I am gutted. I am desperate for a garden- it's ridiculous, but I am. My reasons for wanting a garden are ludicrous and I have now come to decide that I would prefer the extra money each month that I will save, than to have the occasional garden party/ BBQ.

I would like to point out here that I have never BBQ'd before and I am terrified of lawnmowers- so the fire risk outweighs the overgrown garden parties I'm afraid.

So now the search for a flat/ apartment/ coach house begins. I am after a bargain. A big, fat, juicy bargain. I have compromised hugely on giving up my garden, so I am not stopping until I find the perfect flat at an astonishingly low price.

Wish me luck, this may take some time.......

I'll give you £100,000 for it...

Image courtesy of www.neathome.net